


Nothing Feels Like Everything and Everything Makes Me Want To Puke

by TheViolentBlue



Series: Giving my issues to the Hargreeves because I dont know how else to cope [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: BPD episode, Borderline Personality Disorder, Gen, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Klaus Hargreeves, Hurt No Comfort, No klaus slander allowed, Number Five | The Boy Has BPD, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Rage, Self-Destruction, Suicidal Thoughts, i love klaus sorry im using them as an enemy, thoughts of murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-22 05:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30033621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheViolentBlue/pseuds/TheViolentBlue
Summary: Five doesn’t feel anything...Or maybe he feels everything. He doesn’t really know.OrFive has a BPD episode.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: Giving my issues to the Hargreeves because I dont know how else to cope [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2133384
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Nothing Feels Like Everything and Everything Makes Me Want To Puke

**Author's Note:**

> This is super short and im just venting. 
> 
> Yes I am diagnosed with BPD. please shut up. Just shut the fuck up. 
> 
> im using He/They pronouns for Klaus. 
> 
> -Riordan (he/xe/they)

Five doesn’t feel anything...

Or maybe he feels everything. He doesn’t really know.

It was a simple question. He asked Klaus a simple question. The kind of question that requires no more than a yes or a no to be answered. That’s the only response he needed. But Klaus always had to be a smart ass, didn’t he? He always had to play dumb and do something to drag the received attention out longer. They knew just how to get under people’s skin and piss them off.

Five walked away with his face itching and his teeth clenched. He wanted to cuss Klaus out. Punch him in the face. Kill them even. He wanted to wrap his hands around Klaus’ throat and strangle him until the life left their eyes.

He was so angry...

But Five felt nothing. There was a hollowness deep in his chest. A feeling of nothingness. The kind of feeling when you know you want something but you have no idea what that something is and so you’re left feeling empty and unsatisfied.

He clenches his hands in the sheets of his bed. The hair hanging down over his forehead is becoming unbearably noticeable and it makes him even more frustrated. He can feel the skin stretching over his body and he wants nothing more than to rip it all off. Five digs his fingernails into the skin of his arm and clenches his eyes shut tight as rage washes over him.

These episodes had been happening since the second year he spent in the apocalypse. There was never a real trigger to them. It was always something so small that made his emotions build up and take control. Something as small as a roach crawling over his shoe. He’d go from screaming in rage to hurting himself to sobbing to suddenly feeling nothing at all. It happened every day. Usually more than once. He had no idea how to stop it.

Five smacks a palm hard against his forehead, trying to fill the emptiness. It works for a split second so he does it again. Then again. Then again. Then again. Then suddenly his eyes are filled with tears and he just feels so sad.

He still wants to rip his guts out. He still wants to scream and shout and break his body into a thousand pieces. Instead he flops back on the bed. His tears sting in his eyes but they don’t fall. 

They don’t fall because Five feels nothing.

But nothing feels like everything. 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment or whatever just don’t invalidate my issues. Theres more to BPD than just this. Yes i know.


End file.
